5th grade-
Okay all the demeaning and torture and beating with bat and belt hadn't done enough. I still haven't lost my mind. That's next year.
This year we had two teachers-the uptight older Mr. Mehlum and the easy going but strict Mr. Bekkedal, whose daughter was in my class. One day she wanted to see my math boo, which where brand new that year. She was playing around and I pulled it back and a page was torn out of it. She begged me not to tell her father but I did because it was the right thing to do. Had I taken the blame I would have went home and been beaten or killed or worse-pulled from school.
It was also about this time that a girl named Kathy has a crush on me. She liked me. I said what is a crush? What is this like shit? Yes, I began swearing in school even before it was cool. My mother was also pleased with the fact that we where poor and forced us to wear the cheapest worse looking clothes ever. I tried to fit in by rolling up the cuffs of pants legs. Some where pleased that I was trying to fit in. Others where not and where like what is he doing. One good thing about fifth grade is that we won the track meet that year.
6th grade-
I begin to lose my mind.
Dissociative Identity Disorder[formerly Multiple personality disorder] (DID) is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment.
Teachers-Mr. Hepp/Mr. Daines. First fight with tormenter of the year-Jeremy. He punched me in the stomach for no apparent reason other than to humiliate me. He was sent to ALC[like detention, but not] Everyone thought he was a cool bad ass. To me he was my mother incarnate. Everyone's development-normal. Mine-6-7.
Okay, DID. I started to develop it this year and it would continue for the years to come. First I was James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise, which was cloaked right outside the school in the softball field. My calculator was a communicator to the ship. I would do my daily captain's log by typing the stardate into my calculator.
Later on I was Dr. Sam Beckett who leaped back in time to save everyone but me, from me, Chad Heal. My calculator became a handlink to Ziggy and to my imaginary friend/observer/external personality Al. I was there to put right that once went wrong. I talked to Al as Sam, who leaped back and forth through 1992-3-4-5, to change history for the better, to make the world a better place.
Yeah, I was losing my mind dealing with all of the abuse at home and at school. Still cried for the silliest things when I would get into trouble for stuff I did. I didn't dare tell when my lunch tickets where stolen from my locker and the principal gave me a couple extra until he said he couldn't. I also used a black colored pencil for two months because I didn't dare ask for new pencils from Chernobyl and take the wrath and berating from her for using up and wasting money. The teachers would also let me do stuff like be late for assignments and help them out like writing the date on the chalk board, although I couldn't spell Tuesday.
Jeremy did piss off Mr. Hepp one time that he took him into the hall and slammed him up against the locker and yelled so loud that half the school heard him.
Sixth grade would also start the one-sided love affair with a girl-B. She was and still is beautiful. I began to like her for all the things that where not me. One of her friends, c, asked me if I liked anyone one day during recess. C went through a bunch of names of girls in out class, and when she said B's name I lied and said no.
Mr. Hepp would always look for the good in everyone. He always joked around but was strict to a point. I remember one day we had an exercise of who in your life had said that they love you. Love was a swear word in my family. When I asked Chernobyl one day she said it was for other people not us, and that we should appreciate what crap we had. Everyone had to raise their hands, to complete the exercise. First it was the everyday kids. Then the once a week, month and year. By now, everyone had their hand raised but me. Mr. Hepp asked me if anyone had said that ever. I lied and said once, because it was a concept foreign and evil to me.
No one had said that word to me, or about me. Later on Chernobyl would also say that we where poor, white trash and that no one would ever accept us. That phrase, that sentence would be my ultimate death sentence and would haunt my actions for years.
7th grade-Warning! The following chapter contains explicit acts of violence. Reader discretion is advised.
Teachers-Mrs. Trussoni, Mrs. Endicott, Mrs. J. Olson, none of which who helped me or would deal with my shit.
As sixth grade came and went, badger camp was disappointing, although it was the first time I had camped out. I felt myself like the television character of Jarod from the show 'The Pretender'. I was new to all these things. I was still losing my mind to keep others at bay. I was now in full blown, DID. I switched from Jim to Sam permanently.
Now the depression hit hard. Trying to deal with tormenters, Chernobyl, religion which I was more active in, but soon learned it was a popularity contest. Got nose bleeds more ofter due to stress. Parent-teacher conferences where always fun when Chernobyl would boldface lie and say everything was alright at home and shoved her beliefs on us and the school so I would be more anti-social. This would be the focal point of Jeremy and his hooligans for the next two years. One of his gang was a quick acquaintance, Shawn who betrayed me like leading a lamb to the wolves.
I no longer allowed myself to cry as well. I just bottled up my emotion. This would be the start. Z-minus four years to the Incident.
This would also be the year of my last and most vicious beating yet. I did something to enrage Chernobyl, I think it had something to do with doing dishes or something. She took out the Belt, ordered me to take down my pants and underwear as she gave me three lashes at first. She asked me if I would ever do it again and I accidentally said yes. So she gave me two more lashes in and rage infested in anger fueled by evil and hatred. How no one saw or commented on why I had severe bruising to the legs and back in the gym locker room, I never know.
By this time my dad had got a job at the school doing summer maintenance. Later he went up to a custodial position that Chernobyl threatened to sue if he didn't get. Even the middle school principal Mr. McGrath was afraid of her. This was good because no more being poor.
8th grade-
The others progressed as I regressed. My grades where great because I was held back from the advanced classes a year. Didn't do much but more of the same. Bullied by Jeremy and company. Became angry all the time, even kicked a locker which the superintendent saw and berated me further.
Playing football with my brothers, I was tackled hard and sprained my wrist, elbow, pinched a nerve in my elbow and tore something in my shoulder. This time, no doctor. Chernobyl berated me for getting hurt. I couldn't use my right arm for two weeks and spent the next five months rehabilitating it myself.
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